Moving ON.

As someone who has had breakups before, let me just say these words — it gets easier, the more you have faith in yourself and the goodness that your life is about to be filled with the faster you heal and the faster you get there my friend. When in doubt just read this poem by a wise person:

I feared being alone
Until I learned to like Myself.
I feared failure
Until I realized that I only Fail when I don’t try.
I feared success
Until I realized that I had to try in order to be happy with myself.

I feared people’s opinions
Until I learned that people would have opinions about me anyway.
I feared rejection
Until I learned to have faith in myself.
I feared pain
Until I learned that it’s necessary for growth.

I feared the truth
Until I saw the ugliness in lies.
I feared life
Until I experienced its beauty .
I feared death
Until I realized that it’s not an end, but a beginning.

I feared my destiny,
Until I realized that I had the power to change my life.
I feared hate
Until I saw that it was nothing more than ignorance.
I feared love
Until it touched my heart, making the darkness fade into endless sunny days.

I feared ridicule
Until I learned how to laugh at myself.
I feared growing old
Until I realized that I gained wisdom every day.
I feared the future
Until I realized that Life just kept getting better.
I feared the past
Until I realized that It could no longer hurt me.

I feared the dark
Until I saw the beauty of the starlight.
I feared the light
Until I learned that the Truth would give me Strength.
I feared change,
Until I saw that even the most beautiful butterfly had to undergo a Metamorphosis before it could fly.

Things A Girl Wishes Her Better Half Knew

• When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away.
• When she misses you, she’s hurting inside.
• When she says it’s over, she still wants you to be hers.
• When she is mad and walks away from you, follow her.
• When she stares at your mouth, kiss her.
• When she pushes or hits you, grab her tight & don’t let her go.
• When she starts cursing at you, kiss her and tell her you love her.
• When she ignores you, give her your attention.
• When she pulls away, pull her back.
• When you see her at her worst, tell her she’s beautiful.
• When you see her crying, just hold her and don’t say a word.
• When you see her walking, sneak up and hug her waist from behind.
• When she’s scared, protect her.
• When she lays her head on your shoulder, tilt her head up and kiss her.
• When she steals your favourite jacket, let her keep it and sleep with it for a night.
• When she teases you, tease her back and make her laugh.
• When she doesn’t answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay.
• When she looks at you with doubt, back yourself up with the truth.
• When she says that she likes you, she really does more than you could understand.
• When she grabs your hands, hold hers and play with her fingers.
• When she bumps into you, bump into her back and make her laugh.
• When she tells you a secret, keep it safe and untold.
• When she looks at you in your eyes, don’t look away until she does.
• Stay on the phone with her, even if she’s not saying anything.
• Don’t let her have the last word.
• Say you love her more than she could ever love you.
• Argue that she is the best girl ever.
• When she’s mad, hug her tight and don’t let go.
• When she says she’s OK, don’t believe it. Talk to her about it, because 10 yrs later, she’ll still remember.
• Call her at 12:00am on special occasions to tell her you love her.
• Call her before you sleep and after you wake up.
• Treat her like she’s all that matters to you.
• Don’t ignore her, when she’s out with you and your friends.
• Stay up all night with her, when she’s sick.
• Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show, even if you think it’s stupid.
• Let her into your world.
• Let her wear your clothes.
• Let her know she’s important.
• Kiss her in the pouring rain.
• When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is, “Who’s ass am I kicking today baby?
• After she reads this, she hopes one day you’d read it too.

Truly Sorry

So I've been feeling like a bad person lately.Like,the guilt I have bottled up is taking it's toll on me.I hate how I always lash out,fight and hurt the ones I love most.I don't understand why I keep doing it and by hurting the ones I love,eventually,I will start hurting myself.I mean,those are the people who've been for and with me in every dark hour I've been through and how do I repay them? I can't even forgive myself for who Iam,who I've become and I don't know how or when it started.I just want it to stop.I want to stop hurting the people I love,I want to stop thinking all about my feelings and start being considerate of other people's feelings too. I just,have never felt this horrible about myself before.I just feel like rewinding back to the moment where I was about to hurt them,take it back,rethink all of my actions and change it.Well,no use regretting now,what's done is done.Hoping I'll get another chance to redeem myself.But deep down inside,even I wouldn't forgive myself.If anyone's ever felt horrible because of what I may have said or done,I am truly sorry.This goes out to anyone who is reading this.

Heart Expressed .

Just like you, I have many roles in my life, I’ve spent time learning my way around blogging and social media (which fascinate me, by the way). No matter what role I’m working on in my life, however, I’ve always found time to write. From short stories to the novel I’m working on right now, creative writing is something I simply love to do. Up until recently, the things I wrote pretty much stayed in notebooks and computers, getting forgotten as the years went by.

Expressing The Feelings of My Heart

There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost. Some things are hard to write about. After something happens to you, you go to write it down, and either you over dramatize it, or underplay it, exaggerate the wrong parts or ignore the important ones. At any rate, you never write it quite the way you want to. Because I trust in the ever-changing climate of the heart. (At least, today I feel that way.) I think it is necessary to have many experiences for the sake of feeling something; for the sake of being challenged, and for the sake of being expressive, to offer something to someone else, to learn what we are capable of. So, Keep your best wishes, close to your heart and watch what happens .

Heavy Feeling

There it goes again, that heavy feeling in your chest when you don't feel any desire to speak or move. All you want to do is close your eyes and sleep, because the process of being broken is incredibly exhausting. You attempt your best to make your days fulfilling, but no matter how hard you try you can't seem to connect to anyone or anything .

11 Painful Things

1. Bringing back the feeling you've learned to forget

2. Reminiscing the good times

3. Trying to hide what you really feel 

4. Loving someone who loves another

5. Having a commitment with someone you know would not last

6. Shielding your heart to love somebody

7. Loving a person too much

8. Right love at the wrong time

9. Taking risk to fall in love again 

10. Accepting that it was never meant to be 

11. What ifs ..

Hard to Let Go

Just friends..?

Could I ever find it in myself to be just friends with someone who claimed he loved me yet treated me unfairly. Who asked for kindness from me but treated me with cruelty when I wanted reassurance.

I cannot even think of the past or future with him now.

I am finding it hard to put together the puzzle- the person he says he is and the selfish words coming from his mouth & his actions thus far. I feel I have been lied to, manipulated, and tossed aside. Like a plaything of a child.

I ask myself if I am being vindictive. But its a quiet, tired voice that says.. “Enough.. enough. Its time to move on.”

My diary is littered with pieces of my heart. Its not the first time I felt this way.

What is keeping me calm is reading this book

“A Call to Compassion- Bringing Buddhist Practices of the Heart into the Soul of Psychology” by Aura Glaser.

It is a book written with much love for humanity and self. It is just 207 pages, but its been one of the best books I ever read on compassion in the Buddhist form.

—-

I feel that I had progressed a little over this past year. I had moments of clarity and gratitude to the world. I felt lighter. Then when I thought I was ready to move on & remove my emotional ties to him, his confession put me in a tailspin. I was not as grounded as I thought, and in hindsight, this was a major setback for me.

I have to acknowledge my emotions to myself, even if it is hard to let anyone know. I will try not to wallow if I can help it.

I think about vengeance, in the form of wanting to be someone he will regret leaving- then these thoughts seem funny for a laugh and a small wise voice tells me to be compassionate to myself. I think its a result of reading the book by Aura..

There is this aphorism in the book which says “Be grateful to everyone” or “Meditate on everyone as kind”. It means, even “those who insult and irritate us are the most difficult subjects for gratitude, and the most fruitful. [..] Contemplating the kindness of others means hat, whatever their intentions, we can still benefit from whatever others do. Rather than submit to resentment or hatred, rather than nursing a grudge or denying a problem, we opt for a way to further open the heart. [...] Being grateful to everyone means also being grateful for everything. It means just being grateful- unconditionally. Be grateful for the difficulties, and be grateful for the relief of these difficulties.”

It is all very wise.. & hard to do.. but I shall try to see this whole situation as beneficial.

What every girl should know :)

I think most girls, including myself, are too busy trying to please someone that we all forget what we’re made of. We’re all seeking to be the perfect girl that we didn’t even realize that being ourselves is a lot better than trying to be someone we are not. We try to change for someone who wouldn’t even look at us in the first place. We try our best to be the girl that he ‘wants’ rather than showing him that even though we are not ‘perfect’ in every angle, we will make him happy and loved. Please realize that if you want to change for the better, do it for yourself, not because someone would love you that way. Would it be sweeter if he loves you for who you are?

It’s hard to pull off a mask forever. Don’t be who you’re not. Trust me, what’s inside that mask will soon find his man. I realized that I don’t need to wear a mask to impress people. It’s always the heart that matters. Your character is so much important than the appearance. I know it’s a cliché to say that. But it’s true. There are still guys out there who would prefer to have a girl that would love them and be with them against odds. So whenever you look in the mirror, please don’t say that you’re not good enough.

Someday, someone would fall for you for who you are-for what truly matters.